How to Win Friends & Influence People
The ability to speak is a shortcut to distinction. It puts a person in the limelight, raises one head and shoulders above the crowd. And the person who can speak acceptably is usually given credit for an ability out of all proportion to what he or she really possesses.
First published in 1936, Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends & Influence People was based on Carnegie’s human relations and public speaking course. Despite being almost a century old, the book is still relevant. Heck, after a 2 year pandemic, we all need a refresher in the fundamentals of effective communication. How to Win Friends & Influence People is divided into four parts: (1) essentials of handling people, (2) making people like you, (3) winning over others to your way of thinking, and (4) influencing others as a leader. Each part is made of up 3 to 12 principals, each highlighting a habit or practice with supporting anecdotes, usually plucked from stories shared by students that have taken Carnegie’s course. The anecdotes are sometimes comically dated and strewn with early 20th century language, but they still underscore the point and have a poignancy and crispness that more modern self-help books lack.
There are countless truisms embedded in these principles, too many for me to list here. Here are a few that I will want to remember:
- People do not respond to criticism. Realize that the person we’re going to correct or condemn will probably justify himself and condemn us in return.
- Smile, be genuinely interested in other people, remember peoples names, talk about their interests, be active and sincere when listening
- You can’t win an argument
- Show respect for another person’s opinions. Never say “you’re wrong”. Say something like “I thought otherwise but I may be wrong. Let’s examine the facts.” If you are wrong, admit it quickly
- Try to see things from the other person’s point of view and be sympathetic to their standpoint, even if you do not agree with it.
- Give honest, sincere appreciation
- Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. Use encouragement.
- Every successful person loves games: throw down a challenge.
